Twelve Lessons to Calm the Frustration of Mothering Boys

From the perspective of a father:

  1. Words do, in fact, project from your mouth when you speak.  The rest of us can hear them.
  2. Your suspicions are correct.  He is brain damaged.  But it isn’t permanent.  Boys have been growing into men for centuries, albeit with debatable results.
  3. He’s not ADD, he just can’t focus on anything.
  4. Explaining how to load the dishwasher eight hundred and forty-six times still isn’t enough.  But he will eventually master it… once he’s out of the house.
  5. Other parents don’t think less of you if your son can’t tie his shoes at eighteen.  That lesson is expected to fall upon his wife.
  6. Speaking of shoes, if you get two weeks’ wear out of a pair, you are doing well.  Remember, they used to just go barefoot… which isn’t such a bad idea.
  7. All boys’ sneakers smell that bad.  If you’re able to quell the stench of his room down to the level of a gym locker after summertime football practice, consider it a job well done.
  8. You have to laugh at his dorky jokes.  It’s a rule.  Courtesy laughs are the socially acceptable staple of many a mother.
  9. Spelling tests are sexist and weighted to boost girls’ self-esteem.  Show me a boy who can spell, and I’ll show you a type A mother living vicariously through her son.
  10. “I don’t know,” is a perfectly acceptable answer because, chances are, he really-really has no clue why he did it.
  11. “I can’t remember,” carries ninety percent truth, even when he’s certain of the matter.
  12. Yes, you will miss him when he’s gone.

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